you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
