Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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