I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
