guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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