He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
