your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
