I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
3pm strippers are depressing
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
