I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
