I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
