If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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