After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
