It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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