Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
