why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
