kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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