Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
