6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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