Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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