Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
