after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
