Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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