Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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