so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
