just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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