he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
