I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
