I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
