she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
