Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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