you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize