high people should be assigned attendants
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
