So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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