i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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