when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
