I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
