idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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