Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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