Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
