so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
