K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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