Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Randomize
