well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
