he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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