dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
