walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
