I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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