I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
