they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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