he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
