Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
so much tequila, so little girl.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
