I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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