she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize