Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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