Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
