"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize