I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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