he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
