There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He did a backflip because drugs
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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