hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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