I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Green mimosas i think yes
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Randomize
