I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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