Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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