so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize