the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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