He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
