She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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