Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
