nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
