Are we in a gay sports bar?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
