she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
