She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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